Archive for the ‘interesting’ Category

My Webcomic

September 22, 2010

Hello everyone! I haven’t updated this blog in a long time, but I still consider myself to be a creative person. In January, 2010, I started a webcomic called Between Classes. It’s been going pretty strong. I’d like to consider it to be one of the best things that I’ve ever started. So far, I’ve made almost 80 comics. Right now I’m drawing 3 new webcomics a week. I’m also updating the site with my girlfriend’s webcomics once per week. If you like what’s on this site, maybe you’ll like my webcomic, who knows!

Check it out!
www.between-classes.com

Unknown

June 2, 2008

Usually when I write these posts I have at least some idea of where they will go.  With this one I have no idea whatsoever, but I still feel the need for expression through writing.

There is beauty in shame.  Truth in misery.  Clarity in pain.

In life things keep building and building until release, and when all the walls are torn down, everything is open and on the table.  With a house of cards you don’t know what might happen.  You can build something up differently than was planned and things happen in unexpected and spontaneous ways, but destruction (real destruction) only goes one way.  Loss is only loss if you don’t gain something, and it is only on those rare occasions that lead to losing more than you gain that we should truly weep.

This post is not a post, but is in fact a (insert wonderful word used for emotional dump that I can’t think of).

To some I may seem insane, and some may indeed be correct, however to quote Homer*; “In a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane.”

*Simpson

You will never be so close to those who suffered greatly with you.  It is only when we are weakened that we let others in.  This may not be true and may only apply to me and the people like me (insecure and highly jaded from being burned too many times) and it may be many other things, but it’s not false.

Tragedy has a way of bringing people together.  Sometimes I want to tear it all down just so I can have the excuse to cry on someone’s shoulder – sometimes I hope for things to fall apart for the sole reason that I can be on the inside facing the dark and scary outside world instead of continuing to be on the outside looking in.

Does having enough courage to admit your flaws make you a coward for not taking all opportunities to fix them?  “Sometimes I want to put a bullet between the eyes of every panda who wouldn’t screw to save its species” -Chuck Palahniuk

Lonely people put up walls to protect themselves from who they believe threaten to hurt them while they sit on crowded buses next to people doing the same thing, all of them alone together, surrounded by friends but alone in their own minds.  People like me are those that search for what they have and do not believe happiness when it buys them lunch, and are always looking for the trap door, the catch, the knife they’re going to stab me with as I turn away.  None of these fears are held logically, consciously, but the suspicion and borderline paranoia (based on experience mind you, and at a young age toboot which makes all fears extreme) remains, buzzing in the background like a warning alarm, wailing it’s everlasting message that the people you are with will hurt you and you should find the right people, when you are in fact among friends.

Why do we feel alone in crowded rooms?  How can we?  When does it end?

Control

May 12, 2008

If I could change one thing out of anything I would wish to have more control.  I want control because I know I’m capable of anything (within reason) that I want to do.  If I was in full control of myself, I would be able to say that I wanted to do something, and then do it, instead of doing something after a great deal of mental and emotional exertion to motivate myself to do it.

Deep down I know I have control of myself, but what I am realizing is that I don’t have control of my motivation.  I can control what I do, but I can’t control if I do it, at least not right now where I’m at.

I know that I can motivate myself, but when I try it doesn’t happen.
Why is this?  What am I missing?  If self-motivation is something that can occur, why can I not do it?  I believe I can, yet it is not occuring, so either in fact I cannot, or my problem is something else.

If I can motivate myself, the problem might be that I am unfocused, and might combine with my lack of organizational skills.  My lack of focus might cause me to be distracted and then I would lose track of time and what I had to do.  This might contribute to my lack of success.

Another contributing factor might be that I am able to motivate myself, but logically am having a hard time either justifying myself or committing myself to a goal.  I might not believe in myself as much as I would like to believe, and fear of failure might prevent me from committing to a goal I’m afraid I might not succeed at achieving.  I might believe that I’m wasting my time and might doubt my own judgement in selection of a goal, or doubt the worth of achieving that goal.

Additionally, self-loathing and frustration are very strong contributing factors.  I know that things that I have failed at doing were not impossible, and this causes me to beat myself up about the fact that I could have done better.  Frustration comes from my lack of familiarity with upcoming challenges, which reminds me of my last failure, and causes me to think that I am not going to succeed.  I doubt myself because sometimes even when I believe that I’m going to succeed, I still fail.  I lose faith in my ability to evaluate the current situation.

Self-loathing is caused by the thought that I was assisted by so many, but achieved so little.  The knowledge that even though I was perfectly capable of succeeding and did not does not help boost my self-esteem and morale.  I wonder if there is something wrong with me that others have right and if there is something that I am unable to understand that others comprehend.

What I need to keep reminding myself of is that what I’m doing is difficult and that I’m not the first and will not be the last to find it to be challenging.  Many of the others that I know are in the same position that I am in, and in many cases they are worse off than me.

There is a solution to every problem and not all of the problems that I encounter are as bad as they might initially seem to be.  What I am trying to do is not impossible, and neither is succeeding at achieving my goals.

Top 5 Reasons that Email is better than regular mail

March 27, 2007

I made this list for all of those unfortunate people out there who are just starting to use a computer and the Internet now, and who are asking a lot of deceptively simple questions.  The next time someone comes to you asking why they should switch to using email to send messages instead of using the “tried and true traditional way”, just point them here and watch as comprehension dawns. 🙂

  1. Speed – What we’ve come to know today as “snail mail” takes several days to go the distance we could drive in less than one!  Email is almost instantaneous.  You don’t have to walk out to a mailbox, or even worry about putting the flag up!
  2. Reliability – Have you ever gotten a piece of mail in your mailbox that was meant for someone else, but was delivered to you by the mistake of the mailman?  With email, that doesn’t happen unless the person sending the email to you types your email address wrong!
  3. Price – With services like gmail, sending and receiving email is free with an Internet connection!  With snail mail, you have to buy stamps and such!
  4. Quantity – By email, you can send pages and pages of information, as well as photos, music, video, and other documents.  If you want to send more than what can fit in an envelope, it costs more and it’s a hassle!
  5. Convenience – You can access email from anywhere, on almost anything!  No more paper to worry about anymore!  Also, copying it and sending it to someone can be done in seconds!

Digg this if you think that the Halo 3 beta is coming out today (March 27)!

March 27, 2007

XboxLive is down for “maintenance” and will continue to be down until 2pm PST (5pm EST). If you look at the linked screenshot of the official post about this, #6 says that one of the things that you can do while XboxLive is down is to brush up on March 27 history – the THIRD listed historical event involves an earthquake that killed 117 people!

see screenshot | digg story

Epiphanies

March 24, 2007

Read the other “how my mind works” posts to more fully understand this


I have moments of sudden dawning realization and understanding; epiphanies; I recently ( past 3-4 months) have had very many.When I realize concepts, in a sudden flash of understanding, the new concept is applied and fitted to all of my memories that it applies to, which, depending on how big the concept is, makes many, many, many things make sense that didn’t make sense before.

When I was little, (6 years old in kindergarten in a private school that I left before first grade) I was at a pool being chaperoned by someone who I now think of as a 18-19 year old kid (Yeah, I’m only 17, sue me for thinking of those who are young as what they are).

I don’t remember (because I never was told) his first name, but his last name was Graham; we (the other kids) called him “Graham Cracker”.  He didn’t like being called that, thus resulting in us (especially me) calling him by it as often as possible.  One day, I called him “Graham Cracker” one time too many, and he snapped, yelling “Shut up!” at me.

Most kids my age (6 at the time) would cry, some kids that age might run to someone they felt would protect them from the ‘mean grown-up’, but I didn’t – it was what I now know as my first moment of epiphany.  In that moment, I crossed from being an automaton to a sentient being.  In that moment that lasted hours upon days upon years upon decades, I gained self-awareness.

Mr. Graham was no longer a ‘grown-up’: For the first time, I noticed his backpack by the side of the pool.  I noticed how much younger he looked than the other people at the school.  I suddenly saw him as who he was – not a figure of authority who must be obeyed, not a ‘grown-up’ who told what must be done and set rules that must be followed – but a person.  A kid, just like me, and the only difference between us being that he had been born before I was, and was bigger than me because of it.  He wasn’t better, smarter, and hadn’t been enlightened by some godly, heavenly knowledge.  He was a person, just like me.  In that moment that I would refer later on to as “seeing behind the mask”, I crossed from being an animal to being a person, one who was self-aware and sentient.

Today, I realized why I have the need to analyze and chew on things that have happened that I don’t understand.  In some cases, if you follow the rabbit hole down deep enough, you find something that makes things make sense.  Until today, I didn’t know why I needed to seek these moments of epiphanies.  What I now realize was a “placeholder” reason for needing these moments of epiphanies was that “I wanted to find more knowledge”…sure, the shoe fits, but it still seemed like a hollow answer – flawed; wrong somehow.  It didn’t feel right.  It made sense, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t really the answer I was looking for.

“Know Thy Self” – what is probably the most important and most famous philosophical statements in the history of man, written by Socrates.  Socrates believed that his fellow citizens were going through life without taking a look at themselves, what they were doing, or why they were doing it.  They would do things, and do them the way that they did them, simply because they had always been doing it, or because they were told to, by people who were equally unaware of their own blindness.

Today I uncovered why I need to have these moments of epiphanies – although one of the reasons is to gain knowledge and understanding, it’s not the main reason…the main reason is due to fear – the fear of being blind; and not only blind, but blind to your own blindness.  If you take a look back at what I now know as my first moment of epiphany, you will see that what was gained was self-awareness.  I cringe at what my life would be like and what kind of person I would be like now if that realization had not occurred as it did, as early as it did in my life.

The deep fear that I have at my core is that there is some kind of window of opportunity.  Just like children easily learning a second language when they are very young, discoveries like this are probably easier when you are younger.  On the flipside of this, learning new languages when you are older is harder than it would have been had you attempted to learn the language when you were young.  If I look at what my life might have been like if that first moment of epiphany, that first, huge, important step hadn’t occurred and cringe, I look at what huge realizations I might be missing if I don’t strive for them.

The fear is that if I don’t analyze, and instead let life fly by, I will never reach my full potential.  Just as I would have been different had that first moment of epiphany had occurred, I may end up being a lesser being that what I could be if I miss an opportunity to gain wisdom and understanding in the future.

My whole life, in the back of my mind, for some reason I’ve always had this expectation of a moment some day in which something will be said, something will happen, or something will be done that will make everything fall into place.  I thought about why this might be today, and what might have put this strange expectation into my mind, when I realized all of what you’ve just read above.

If I gained self-awareness the first time it happened, what might I gain the next time I have a moment of epiphany?  What if I don’t hear those few words on the radio that start me thinking on a train of thought that will eventually lead me to wonderful and sudden understanding?

In a final thought, I want to say that just like concepts, when I have moments of epiphany and suddenly come to understand something, in a flash of realization, everything in my memory to which the new piece of knowledge that has been obtained can apply to flashes into my mind, and suddenly things make sense.  When I realized that Mr. Graham was just a person instead of a godlike grown-up authority figure, I suddenly saw people for who and what they were…the principle wasn’t necessarily smart, she just had a really big desk!  Teachers, adults, grown-ups, could all be wrong, just like me.

I think, therefore I am“- Rene Descartes

Shadowrun Beta Screenshots!

March 20, 2007

see the photoset here! | digg this!

Shadowrun Beta Video! [update]

March 20, 2007

I’m in the Shadowrun Beta, and until recently I was unable to share anything about it, because of a Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA)!

 

That’s all changed now, since the NDA has been lifted! Behold the first of many!

(please excuse my crappy playing, as I was concentrating more on the photographic aspect than the game itself)

digg this!

UPDATE:

I’ve also managed to upload another video, but for some reason the audio didn’t render.  I’ll surely fix it later (if it can be fixed), but for now it’s just cool to see high quality video.

“That is Bullsh*t!” [update]

March 10, 2007

Every time ravenpanic dies in Gears of War, he yells “That is Bullsh*t!”. There are other varieties, such as “That is SO Bullsh*t!”, and “That is TOTALLY Bullsh*t!”, but there are also those occasional screams of variations of the core message he is conveying including, but not limited to “That is COMPLETE Bullsh*t!”, “That is Bull-F*cking-Sh*t!” and, my personal favorite, “That Bullsh*t is BULLSH*T!” I sent him a message about this, polite as possible under the circumstances, and he replied with the following voice message:

Oh f*ck you, you little b*tch, you wish you were better than me
You ain’t gonna show me, you just a little f*cking 12-year-old who thinks he’s bad*ss
‘Cause he has little pubic hairs
I have f*cking pubic hair and I’m older than you, so kiss my *ss

Way to be classy, dude…way to be classy.

(I’m 17, by the way)

UPDATE: I sent him a text message over XboxLive containing a link to this blog post via tinyurl (http://tinyurl.com/2uwbve) and he replied with the following voice message:

What’s that, your f*cking site for f*cking gay porn?
Kiss my *ss you little b*tch

explaination comes later

March 5, 2007

I write this for my sake more than yours – do not take this for any kind of illusion – it will make sense later (hopefully) when I write and explain.

—–

  • My dad once told me that his younger brother made himself lose teeth when his younger brother saw that my dad was losing teeth. The younger brother made himself grow his teeth to keep up with my dad.
  • The past few months have been filled with revelations about myself. Sudden dawning realizations that redefine how I see myself, and explain certain aspects of my personality with startling clarity. These have been happening more and more often, now up to at least once per day
  • I’ve come to the conclusion that I looked at my life – who I am, who I want to be, who I was – and at some point, in my subconscious mind, decided that I needed to change. My standards had been slowly eroded away by the expectations of my environment and the rejection of authority that comes with being 17, while my hopes and dreams had stayed the same. At some point, these two things must have conflicted each other [EDIT: so much] that it sparked a chain reaction. I needed to change, so I started to – and in truth, while it’s something that fills me with hope and joy, it’s something that I didn’t realize was caused by me.

Sony To Pay 150.3 Million in Patent Case Over PlayStation Controller

March 3, 2007

The suit stemmed from Sony’s use of Immersion software that causes the PlayStation controller to vibrate in sync with the videogame action. The so-called haptic technology was used in the PlayStation and PlayStation 2 models. Sony has not said whether the technology would now be used in PlayStation 3, which was released in the United States in Nov

read more | digg story