I have discovered that I’m a deeply sad person. Not sad as in pathetic, but sad as in depressed.
I don’t know what to think of this, as I’ve always thought of myself as a mostly happy person. However, tonight it suddenly struck me…underneath it all is a low drone…a buzzing in the background that has been there so long it is unnoticed.
I have the following reasons to doubt this discovery:
- My mind is unendingly good at creating problems in order to solve them, since that will distract away from a real problem that I don’t want to face (example: the two research projects that are due in less than two weeks). This could simply be a gigantic excuse for not working on things.
- Being a teen, it is very possible that in a time span ranging anywhere from ten minutes to ten hours from now I may laugh at the idea of me being depressed, and that I will be right to do so as I will feel as happy as I ever have been
- Things are getting better – I’m no longer making the same mistakes that I was before, and I’ve almost broken all of my bad habits completely.
I have the following reasons to believe this discovery:
- It feels right; the feeling of sudden discovery sweeps me when I think of it. I get the feeling that this is what I’ve been probing my mind for, and that I’ve found what I’ve been trying to find
- I’ve been slowly peeling back the layers of my mind, and it makes sense that I would realize something like this eventually
- I find that I latch onto simple pleasures, and view them more like self-healing. I’ve never really asked, though, why I need to be healed at all. If I’m not wounded, why would I need to be healed?
- Something I will not write here, but a valid reason