explaination comes later

I write this for my sake more than yours – do not take this for any kind of illusion – it will make sense later (hopefully) when I write and explain.

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  • My dad once told me that his younger brother made himself lose teeth when his younger brother saw that my dad was losing teeth. The younger brother made himself grow his teeth to keep up with my dad.
  • The past few months have been filled with revelations about myself. Sudden dawning realizations that redefine how I see myself, and explain certain aspects of my personality with startling clarity. These have been happening more and more often, now up to at least once per day
  • I’ve come to the conclusion that I looked at my life – who I am, who I want to be, who I was – and at some point, in my subconscious mind, decided that I needed to change. My standards had been slowly eroded away by the expectations of my environment and the rejection of authority that comes with being 17, while my hopes and dreams had stayed the same. At some point, these two things must have conflicted each other [EDIT: so much] that it sparked a chain reaction. I needed to change, so I started to – and in truth, while it’s something that fills me with hope and joy, it’s something that I didn’t realize was caused by me.

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